Saturday, September 6, 2014

Looks from the past weeks! Fat Fashion Blogging- The Diary of A Fat Girl 13

Hello world of fat fashion. Here are some of the previous looks posted on my LookBook account.

Look from our College Night 8/22/2014
Top: Boy London
Bottom: Uniqlo Jeggings
Outerwear: New Look Denim Jacket
Shoes: H&M
Accessories: Chunky Dual-Tone Chain Necklace - H&M
Watch- Juicy Couture
Rings- H&M

Top: New Look
Bottom: n/a
Outerwear: H&M Kimono
Shoes: H&M
Accessories: Necklace - H&M
Watch - Jeremy Scott's Swatch collection
Rings - H&M
Look from Saturday's class 9/6/2014

Rings from H&M
Watch from Jeremy Scott's Swatch collection

Watch out for my looks on
Lovelots <3

Stressful happenings

Believing that everything in life will be all butterflies & rainbows is an extremely dumb way of thinking, we've all to accept that somewhere sometime we'll be encountering a bump on our otherwise smooth road, and I've already tripped on a few.

As I've mentioned in my previous posts, there is a big responsibility sitting on my shoulders currently, that's being the president of the Business Administration department of our college - and it's proven to be quite a heavy load. Not only am I a new student(though it is not my first time in college, supposedly I should be in my third year if not for my antics), but also I am enrolled as a freshmen - and most of them have already decided to lay the life of our department in my hands. It's a very nerve-wrecking job, but I've given it my all and my best, money, time & energy, but alas, it is truly impossible to please everybody, especially those who have other ideals in mind. Every government has a weak link, we may have just found ours. As an officer, our main goal must always be for the good of the whole, never for ourselves, it is our sole task, to serve those who have put us in position, yet there are still those who only love the power, and it is inevitable. That event may have been dealt with but only a few days ago I've encountered another, even worse adversary.

Respect is earned, not given - with an exemption to the elderly, your seniors & superiors, which in some cases is quite unfortunate, given that not all of them deserve one's respect. Never in my life have I encountered a teacher so ignorant & set in her wrong ways that she even went to extremes just to shift the blame to others. Her first instance of crazy began when she wrongly accused one of our classmates for shouting in her face, which as witnessed by all, did not happen at all. The wrongly-accused classmate was simply reasoning with her as she was giving impossible instructions(first, wanting us to write a reflection as a group, then wanting it individually). He was humiliated & then slanderous things were said about him behind his back to other classes that the crazy teacher also taught. In my few years of being in school, this is the very first time that a crazy person laid their interest in me. SORRY BUT I'VE REALLY LOST ALL RESPECT FOR HER. Yet again in our class she was giving instructions that are not very plausible, or would require too much work, other than that, she AGAIN decided to put her supposed responsibility on my shoulders(she makes me write the notes on the board which are not really related to the topic, she makes me download the movies she needs for the class - not a problem but she also makes me search for movies that were shown in the freaking 1950's, and she's given me a long list of movies that most of which are not even made). As I was pointing out what's not plausible with her instructions, her hardheadedness decided to be the only functioning thing in her head, and shut off all thoughts inside her mind. Everything we've said was blocked off, with her forcing what she wants until she got angry, which we simply ignored. She then proceeded to call randomly-selected students to serve as her committee(her crazy committee haha), and with the stroke of bad luck I was one of them. While we were seated in a circle I was not facing her, but was facing my seatmate, trying to hide my obvious irritation, she called me out saying "Hoy kung nabwibwisit ka sa'kin umalis ka na" "Hoy if you're irritated by me go away", to which I responded by getting out of the circle and back to my seat. I sat back and talked to my seatmates about her rudeness & how her attitude is not what a teacher should be showing, especially in her class, I will not say what class she teaches because the school might respond yet again, opinions aren't allowed to be expressed, I think. :))

So the class moved forward, but before I forget, during that day our scheduled activity was a group performance, we had a total of five groups in class, and this activity has been delayed twice already. Before we even begin(might I add she was an hour late), she announced that we were going to be having a long quiz, without teaching us anything the previous weeks, therefore we have nothing to have a quiz about, and she wanted it to happen after a performance from 5 groups singing one song each, while already having wasted 1 hour for being late and about 30 minutes just blabbering about unimportant stuff, and was forcefully enforcing it. As students we have no choice but to move ahead, and had the performances begin at 10:00 am(the class was from 8:00 am to 10:30 am), the first group performed fine but she was not contented and had the repeat it. My group performed next and we had a quick yet very successful performance. After that she told me that our groups would be singing again during our finals which were already overloaded with her random ideas that just pop up in her mind. The third group begins to perform but since she is too busy with trying to make a play or concert of some sorts, she fails to listen to the other following groups' songs, where they gave it their all & practiced hard for it. Some of them were trying to catch her attention so as not to waste their efforts, but she didn't even pay them attention. When she decided to finally give them a little bit of her oh-so important time, she scolded them & called everybody rude and started comparing us to her students from different school.

Today I found out that she has been slandering me behind my back, saying that I screamed at her face calling her stupid & saying bad things in her face. I was dumbfounded at how uneducated & uncivilized she was acting, but it was too funny not to laugh about it, too funny that I had to share it with our dean. Haha good luck to her teaching career, forever soiled thanks to her psychosis.

Sunday, August 10, 2014

Fat fashion blogging! - The Diary of a Fat Girl 12

Goodafternoon(or morning, maybe even evening), everybody!

It's been TOO LONG since I last posted, but with good reason. As I've mentioned in my previous post, schoolwork has been flooding me alongside more responsibilities school-wise, being a president of the largest department in our college is no easy feat. Also, it is confirmed that the position of batch representative has fallen in my hands.

So now for a little update on my LookBook account, which also has been left out for far too long!

Last week's look "Purrfection"
Top: New Yorker
Bottoms: Cotton On
Shoes: SM Dept. Store
Watch: Tomato-SWAP watches
Necklace: Parfois

Unexpected 'sorta-long-exposure' shot by my little sister(12 y/o) on my Samsung digicam
"We live in the night"
Jumper/dress: New Look
Shirt: Mango
Shoes: H&M
Watch: Swatch - Jeremy Scott collection
Necklace: Parfois 

It kind of sucks that I can only make and post looks every Saturday, since it's the only wash day at school(and I don't have the energy to keep making looks and pose for no other reason than posting it on LookBook).

Little tips for dressing up a chubby body:

1. Always dress for you body type. Unlike our skinny sisters that almost anything can look good on, we need to be cautious of the clothes we're wearing unless we want to look like a fat slob. We should know where our curves lie & learn to accentuate them.

2. Jeggings, leggings, yoga pants! These three are magnificent inventions that allow us to comfortably wear bottoms without having to struggle with both sizes & comfort. It's a known fact that a lot of curvier women have a hard time finding those perfect jeans that fit like a glove, thanks to a tiny waist and a huge booty, and that's when my mom bought me a pair of jeggings, and I've never had jeans-related problems ever again.

3. This isn't a universal truth, but it works greatly for me. When posing for a full body picture, make sure to have some emphasis on your shoulders, neckline/jaw, straighten your back and suck in your stomach. It gives an illusion of a slightly firmer body, although one is a bit chubby, these little improvements to your posture improves the overall look of your body.

I may be trying to lose weight but since I'm still in my chubby phase, I'm making the best out of it & still remaining confident about my features. It may not be what society deems beautiful but as long as the people that matter to me accept me as I am, then all's well. :)

Saturday, July 5, 2014

New Beginnings - The Diary of A Fat Girl 11

It has been quite some time since I last posted a blog, not because I'm too lazy but because...wait for it...


Finally, after months and months there is finally something that I can be busy with! After 8 months of not being in college, I am now back in school. Currently, the course of my choice is now BSBA - Business Administration. Not only have I been studying really well, there are also new achievements in my like that I have never attained until now.

Last two weeks ago we had a department meeting (BSBA dept.) for the election of our officers, and guess what? For some insane reason they decided to nominate & vote for me as the freaking PRESIDENT of the BSBA department. Like I said, insane. It was amazing and very scary at the same time, I was up against seniors & juniors for the position and I thought there was no way in hell that they'd let me be the president but damn it all, I did get the position. Now there's so much pressure on me because this is the highest position that I've attained when it comes to student councils and the likes - speaking of which, I am also running for the position of 1st year representative of the student council (which involved the whole student body, all of the first year college students from all courses combined), and it also adds to the mix of stress that's flowing over me. Although there is no doubt that I am loving being in this position (if I win as first year rep, positions), there is also a lot at stake. Not only does my free time say goodbye, there will also be times that many of my other responsibilities have to move aside for the greater one; my time for my boyfriend could possibly be damaged a little if there is a lot for me to do, my time with my friends might also be affected, if I'm ever allowed to go out, but nonetheless, sacrifices have to be made for the greater good and that is one of my roles and responsibilities as president.

At first, one of the reasons that made me love being president was all the power on my hands, but there is no way that I'll be abusing that power because Spiderman's Uncle Ben has taught me a valuable lesson;

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Also, there are new people in my life, and it is such a joy to be able to serve these people and have fun with them at the same time.

peeps from Psychology class

Random bathroom selfie

me, Gel & Myra

I'll be adding some more pictures on my next blog post just so I can show off my new friends. 
'Til the next blog post, hope you all are well & remember that even fat girls get great achievements.

Monday, May 26, 2014

The Diary of a Fat Girl 10 - No fat girls in thin man's country(written earlier; posted really late.)

Currently, I am at the Philippines. Got here on May 9, 2014. The number of times I've gone out to the malls or in public is... two. The reason? It's too embarrassing for me to go out looking like the fat slob that I am, all the looks and comments you get is just a little bit too much for what's left of my self esteem. The first time I went out was with my youth mates and music teacher, and it was just as embarrassing. Although most of my friends don't really care about how fat I get, sometimes some still slip out some comments that aren't very welcome, they don't need to say anything, I already know and am already disgusted with myself. If there was only an easy way out of this fat, suffocating and gross body I would have started doing it already, unfortunately there is none that wouldn't destroy my health. Hard work pays the bills.

This country is the place where what is considered a kiddie meal in Saudi Arabia is already a regular-sized meal here. If you order large fries back home, you'll get a LARGE serving of fries, unlike here, large mostly means medium - and this is why a lot of Filipino people are thin. A few years back I've already achieved a good body fat percentage and my size was already acceptable, still chubby, but acceptable. Today the body fat percentage I have just flies off the scales, disappointing, I know. Staying at Saudi Arabia for a total of six months really takes it toll on one's body, especially when one does nothing all day but sit at home and play video games morning to the next morning while eating great potato chips(specifically Lay's Ketchup/French Cheese; which are my favorites and it sucks that they aren't available in the Philippines). Right now I've been trying my best to cut back, I guess there's a little bit of progress since there's this pair of shorts I used to wear a lot, when I got back from Saudi, it wouldn't fit, but currently I could now close the zipper but I can't sit down with out bursting the button. Also, I've made it a daily habit to take about 5000 steps a day - I bought a pedometer! - but thanks to that I caught the flu. Swimming has also been weaved in to my weekly tasks, but the pool is only open 4 times a week, and not even in consecutive days. Well at least I'm still losing a little bit of weight.

It's awful that my self esteem is tied to my weight, but what can one do? Today's society has poisoned everybody's mind, even my own parents, they think that every woman needs to have a specific waist line just to be considered beautiful. It's also very depressing that even my own family could ridicule me about my weight, they say that they worry for my health, but I think they forget that I have feelings, too. They tell me that it's because they're my family, and it's their duty to tell me what's wrong with me because other people wouldn't point it out - as if I don't see what's wrong. I know too well what's wrong, what I need is extra strength to get myself out of this terrible hole of self-loath that I fell in.

Current size. Absolutely fat.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

I hate being strong.

Everybody wants to be strong, everybody prays for strength - not me, not anymore. Being strong means you can handle almost anything thrown at you, it means you have the tolerance to take so much more than what normal people can. I don't want that, not anymore. Strength was something that was natural to me, what can be extremely stressful for you can be something so chill for me, on the outside, that is. All my troubles, I bottle up inside, so that I may show my strength on the outside, being weak is... for the weak? Yeah I guess so, one has to be strong so that others may rely on you. All my life I try to be the rock, the foundation, the one you can lean on when you feel like falling, I like being that too much that I've forgotten that being weak was a necessity. All my tears and soft emotions were kept in and hushed in so that no one could pick on me and no one could hurt me anymore. It's all because of a very painful childhood, it's like a defensive move. No one likes being hurt, so we build a wall around us to protect ourselves, walls too thick that we forget to reach out and ask for help when we need it. We fall down because we have no one to lean on, we only put out our hands for help when we can't take it anymore, when we need to get up. 

Right now I wish I've been weak, so weak that when there's a bump on the road I'd just give up on the journey. All this time I've been pushing a broken car up an extremely rocky hill - mountain, even, and I wish that I let go of this a long time ago, or should I say, I shouldn't have returned too early. We forget that sometimes we still need time to be alone, so we can heal, so we can patch up old wounds that have never been healed because the reason for all this pain never did anything to at least make it up to you. You were left alone to fend for your own injuries.Everyone needs healing time, or else everything else around you suffers, because you still have old ghosts that never get tired of haunting you, because no one took the time to get rid of them and you weren't weak enough to just let everything go. I hate being strong. I hate that I keep holding on to everything because I couldn't just be weak enough not to care.

Or is everything the other way around? Do I have to be strong enough to just forget everything and set myself free from people that bring nothing anymore other than pain and ghosts that hurt me and haunt me everyday? They tell me, "why don't you just move on already?" Yeah, I wish it was that easy, just like taking a dump then it's all gone. If it were that easy I'd be done with it a long time ago, but it isn't, it never is, especially when you can't let go of the cause of all your troubles. No matter how many times I try to run it always catches up to me, maybe it's just meant to be, maybe I'm an idiot. Most likely I'm an idiot. It would've been so so soooo much easier if being weak was my thing, too weak to care, too chill to give a damn, the same attitude my studies receive from me should have been allotted to a different aspect of my life.
If there is an alarm clock that would wake me up from stupid decisions, I'd buy it right now, but I still love my strength, because no matter what bull crap life or people throw at me, I'm still here, stronger than Charlie Sheen's tolerance for drugs. Y'all can't put a dent on me anymore, 'cause I'm already full of it, those words, those actions, I've seen them before, and I hope you're ready for the crap I'll be flinging at you soon enough, you better start running to your mom. 

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

The Diary of a Fat Girl 9 - Story Telling time! (Since there is nothing new in my life)

Just realizing this now, my posts have become a weekly thing. Every Wednesday(Saudi Arabian time) is when my posts have been popping up. Congratulations to myself! Recently, my friend and I have been working on a song, he's an upcoming DJ and he asked me to add the vocals to his song - and this song has been my jam for the past few days(without the vocals yet). Singing has always been something I did on the side and I've never really been the "lead" singer, usually I'm the one at the back trying to patch up the mistakes the lead singer makes or just simply supporting. Working in the background is what I'm used to, although my dreams fly farther than that. My singing career started in my first grade, I joined a singing contest(actually my mom wanted me to) for first to third graders and I won second place - but there were only three of us. Ha-ha. What a loser. Singing was something that came naturally to me; growing up I was always at church and always exposed to the musicians since my mom sings there. Every year I aged my musical abilities aged with me, too. At age 8 my parents pushed me to learn the piano although the drums was my real dream instrument, but nevertheless my hands excelled in the craft and for the years to follow I've been a part of the music team. During my first year in high school, the thirst to learn a new instrument over came me and the guitar was my new friend, not to brag but I taught myself how to play it, only asking a few questions every now and then. The internet really provides almost everything you need to learn, and it surely helped me to better my learning. The guitar alone was not enough to quench my insatiable hunger for music, and soon enough I asked my piano mentor to teach me to play the drums. He is also one of the closest people to me and he is like a second father to me. The drums have always been my love since the beginning and learning it came at an ease, although the chance for me to better myself at it was not given. There was a shortage of pianists at church, so I had no choice but to give up my true passion so I can serve. After a few years time, during my college years, our band(two of my best friends) went out to go jamming at a studio, we wanted to do a cover of "Hinahanap hanap Kita" by Rivermaya, and that has quite a bass guitar riff. Since our bassist is in another part of the country, I had to step in, ever since, this new found love of playing the bass guitar has overwhelmed my musical lust, and pursuing it has been a dream ever since. For a few times I've been the bassist at the church I'm attending at(COG Makati), and it has always been a blast. Being a musician and a singer is something so natural and easy for me. My ears have this automatic pitch sensor that if something is playing or someone singing out of tune, there is something that must be done to correct whatever I hear wrong, and the beat and timing of the song also has to be perfect. You could say I'm a musical perfectionist.

Music must be the biggest thing in my life, also the most natural thing for me, it must be in my blood.